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Friday’s Fast-Food Fishtacular! – Church’s Chicken Fish Sandwich

April 30, 2010

Church’s Fish Sandwich

Church's Chicken

This one was a total surprise. Not the fish sandwich, but Church’s Chicken even offering a fish sandwich. I have never eaten at Church’s. Whenever I wanted fried chicken, I’d hit KFC, Popeye’s, Arby’s or even the hot counter at Albertson’s. But I spotted a banner driving by a Church’s at 45mph, and I made a mental note to check it out.

Fish sandwich

Church’s keeps its fish sandwich a secret. I went online to check its official name and I found a Spicy Fish Sandwich, but not a regular one. So I’ll assume this is also 320 calories.

My fish sandwich was pretty average, like Jack in the Box’s offering. The bun was soft, the chopped iceberg lettuce and tartar sauce were innocuous. The battered-and-fried fish was familiar and had an odd aftertaste. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Something kind of wrong. Like someone blew cigarette smoke on it. Actually, remember the fish you had in grade school for hot lunch? This tasted just like that. I’d not be one bit surprised if they got their fish wholesale from the food suppliers used by the U.S. Dept. of Education.

I’m saving the worst for last. When I ordered the sandwich from the drive-thru, I was greeted by a stock recording of “WELCOME TO CHURCH’S CHICKEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY OUR THREE PIECE COMBO WITH TWO SIDES TODAY?” I said “no, thanks… just a second, please.” And then another voice came on asking me what kind of chicken I wanted. I again said “please hold on a second” and then asked how much is a fish sandwich a la carte (all they had on the menu board were combos). She said “FISH SANDWICH AND FRIES?” I said no, JUST the fish sandwich, please. She said “OK uh $2.99.” And I said “OK, that’s all. Thanks.” And she asked “WHAT KIND OF SIDES DO YOU WANT?” And I said “JUST the fish sandwich, please. A la carte.” And she said “OK. DO YOU WANT A DRINK?” And I said “JUST the fish sandwich, please. A la carte.” And she said “OK. FISH SANDWICH WITH FRIES. WHAT KIND OF DESSERT DO YOU WANT?” And I said “JUST the fish sandwich, please. A la carte. No fries.” I was about to GO. OFF. Long pause. “OK PLEASE PULL FORWARD.” And after about five minutes waiting for the sandwich, it’s handed over in a bag WITH fries, and the receipt says “2 fish tacos.” The hell? So I can’t confirm if the sandwich itself cost $2.99 or if the Church’s drive-thru lady was just making shit up.

It’s probably not fair to judge Church’s on my first experience. But it’ll be tough to make me want to give it a second try… at least at that location.

Our Man Horn

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