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A Buffet of Manliness: Avengers’ Recipes

May 3, 2012

Cookbooks

Hey you— foodie comic book nerd. Yes, you… reading this post because I strategically managed to slip “Avengers” in the title. Are you like me, taking half a day off work Friday to watch The Avengers in theaters before the after-work/after-school crowds? Did you watch and rewatch the trailers hoping to catch little extras? If you answered yes to any of the questions, this post is for to you.

In my effort to make this a food-related post, I looked no further than my own copy of The Mighty Marvel Superheroes’ Cookbook. A pristine copy is nearly $150 on Amazon. Published in the 1977 with a cover price of $3.95, it’s filled with “recipes” from Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, Galactus, and lesser known (at least today) characters like Ka-Zar, Black Goliath and Shang-Chi.

The recipes are awful. Many recipes used canned and processed products that would make Jamie Oliver gag. Who fed their kids this crap?? Well, it was the 1970s… before widespread childhood obesity was even an issue and decades before the term farm-to-table was coined.

But in the spirit of the Avengers movie, here’s an imaginary menu concocted by Captain America, Iron Man, Hawkeye, the Hulk and Black Widow. Remember, it’s only imaginary if you don’t make any of the recipes. I DARE YOU TO MAKE THESE RECIPES!

Starting off the dinner is a salad by Iron Man. First question that comes to mind is where’s the greens? There’s an overwhelming amount of cold cuts, sour cream and hard boiled eggs. What makes this salad special is that it’s called a “salad” and sour cream = dressing.

ironman

Someone forgot to tell Hawkeye that this was lunch and he has one measly recipe in the entire book — at least give him kabobs or skewers! Corned beef hash with corn? He offers other variations. I have one— PASS.

hawkeye

Canned corn must be a staple in the Avengers pantry because Thor includes it in his Thunderburg. And as the God of Thunder, I would expect more than a pan-fried burger. How about lightning-seared?

thor

All I can think about when seeing this recipe for Hulk‘s spaghetti and meatballs is someone that needs to carboload in a big way. Was this Adam Richman‘s career inspiration?

hulk

Who knew Captain America had such a sweet tooth? Frankly, this recipe is not really a recipe at all. It’s just directions to smush Cracker Jacks onto a chocolate cake. Ohhh-h-h-h, Cap…(shame).

captainamerica

Poor Black Widow. This Russian femme fatale spy has no recipes to share in the book. She’s relegated to clean up duty and offers this sole piece of advice:

blackwidow

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 3, 2012 10:04 AM

    I think… I will make none of those recipes. I’ve been telling Jake that I think one of the Avengers will die because it’s a Joss Whedon movie. Or someone’s girlfriend, or something. Maybe Pepper Potts!

    • May 9, 2012 6:45 AM

      Ha! You were right that someone died… but not a girlfriend…

  2. pinkcandles permalink
    May 4, 2012 3:33 PM

    OMG, that comic book cook book is FULL OF WIN!!!!!

    I would eat Hawkeye’s corned beef hash wih corn but not “catsup”! I would make mine “fancier” with frozen green peas though.

    So, what was Galactus’s recipe?

    ingredient:
    planets?

    • May 9, 2012 6:44 AM

      Ha! I agree. Paul wanted me to make the corned beef hash but I couldn’t get past adding the corn.

      The only recipe for Galactus is super-sized pancakes. A scan of the recipe is here.

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