A Buffet of Manliness: Avengers’ Recipes

Hey you— foodie comic book nerd. Yes, you… reading this post because I strategically managed to slip “Avengers” in the title. Are you like me, taking half a day off work Friday to watch The Avengers in theaters before the after-work/after-school crowds? Did you watch and rewatch the trailers hoping to catch little extras? If you answered yes to any of the questions, this post is for to you.

In my effort to make this a food-related post, I looked no further than my own copy of The Mighty Marvel Superheroes’ Cookbook. A pristine copy is nearly $150 on Amazon. Published in the 1977 with a cover price of $3.95, it’s filled with “recipes” from Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, Galactus, and lesser known (at least today) characters like Ka-Zar, Black Goliath and Shang-Chi.

The recipes are awful. Many recipes used canned and processed products that would make Jamie Oliver gag. Who fed their kids this crap?? Well, it was the 1970s… before widespread childhood obesity was even an issue and decades before the term farm-to-table was coined.

But in the spirit of the Avengers movie, here’s an imaginary menu concocted by Captain America, Iron Man, Hawkeye, the Hulk and Black Widow. Remember, it’s only imaginary if you don’t make any of the recipes. I DARE YOU TO MAKE THESE RECIPES!

Starting off the dinner is a salad by Iron Man. First question that comes to mind is where’s the greens? There’s an overwhelming amount of cold cuts, sour cream and hard boiled eggs. What makes this salad special is that it’s called a “salad” and sour cream = dressing.

Someone forgot to tell Hawkeye that this was lunch and he has one measly recipe in the entire book — at least give him kabobs or skewers! Corned beef hash with corn? He offers other variations. I have one— PASS.

Canned corn must be a staple in the Avengers pantry because Thor includes it in his Thunderburg. And as the God of Thunder, I would expect more than a pan-fried burger. How about lightning-seared?

All I can think about when seeing this recipe for Hulk‘s spaghetti and meatballs is someone that needs to carboload in a big way. Was this Adam Richman‘s career inspiration?

Who knew Captain America had such a sweet tooth? Frankly, this recipe is not really a recipe at all. It’s just directions to smush Cracker Jacks onto a chocolate cake. Ohhh-h-h-h, Cap…(shame).

Poor Black Widow. This Russian femme fatale spy has no recipes to share in the book. She’s relegated to clean up duty and offers this sole piece of advice: