Ode to the egg turner

Darlene and I have asked each other many times, and my answer remains unchanged: If I had to rescue one cooking implement from my burning kitchen, it’d be the Ekco® Egg Turner™.

“…is to pry it from my cold, dead hands!”

This little baby has helped me whip together countless plates of perfect scrambled eggs over the past 20 years. I bought it in a Reno Target for a couple bucks and I have never seen it there — or anywhere — ever again. Even eBay. Even Ekco online. I swear, it’s as impossible to find as the four-armed Grimace cookie! (which I found once in Sparks, Nev. McDonald’s… but enough of that. I’m not here to discuss McDonald’s again.)

Like the Oracle in “The Matrix,” Darlene says “There is no spoon.” To clarify, she contends there is no such thing as an “egg turner.” It’s a basting spoon at best, a spatula at worst. Possibly a deformed ladle. No-ho-hooo. It’s an egg turner, and it does it well. Its flat, shovel-like lip easily scooches cooking egg from the Teflon skillet, and I can manipulate the eggs’ gooeyness (or fluffyosity, depending on how much they’ve cooked) with its scoopy spoon part.

“400°F maximum,” it warns!

It’s a one-trick pony when it comes to eggs; I don’t use it for fried eggs or omelets. That’s spatula duty. But for scrambled eggs, it’s unparalleled.

So tell me — if you had to rescue ONE cooking tool, whether it be a utensil or a contraption, from your burning kitchen, what would it be?


11 thoughts on “Ode to the egg turner

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  1. I see your quote- egg turner -unquote is rusting. Ewwww…Once AGAIN I say egg turners do no exist. Further you are limiting yourself if you think good scrambled eggs are because of the your so-called egg turner.I'm gonna start using that egg turner to spoon rice into a plate and start calling it the "rice scooper."

  2. i'd like to be a fly on the wall when you two get into these debates… egg turner. no. rice turner. egg turner. no… :)to answer your question: i'd lug my heavy-ass $900 espresso machine out of my burnin kitchen.

  3. oooooo. this one is a toughy. it's a tossup between my irish cheese knife and my set of elfin-sized shrimp forks. of course, that's not even taking into account my collection of first lady jam spoons. hmm. in all actuality, however, it would be my 12-inch Calphalon One Nonstick chef's skillet, which features a proprietary matrix of four interlocking nonstick layers. check that puppy out. i plan on being buried with it.

  4. I have one of those!If I had to rescue *one* thing from my kitchen? Tough question!My first thought was my zojirushi electric kettle! I use it every day and it makes me sooo happy, not having to wait for hot tea (unless one of the housemates has emptied and neglected to refill it…)However if I was thinking about actual cooking, I would have to pick one of my ceramic cast-iron bables – either my le creuset large skillet, or my beloved dutch oven.I really can't have all 3?! %-)

  5. i searched all over the 'net (in vain) for that "egg turner"… it truly is nowhere to be found. How odd. i can see why you want to keep that tool… whatever you want to call it.Re: "So tell me — if you had to rescue ONE cooking tool, whether it be a utensil or a contraption, from your burning kitchen, what would it be?"My old, battered, beaten Toaster-Oven. It's one of the originals and i love it.

  6. darlene — that's not rust, that's petrified egg from college! I love my egg turner too much to subject it to the harsh rigors of "washing."justjenn — I think there's a Web site out there that combines cooking-utensil fetishes and pervy Keanu Reeves fanfic. And if there isn't, I think you should start one.photogirl — I've seen that espresso maker. It's cooler than my car.chris — Calphalon makes me wish I wasn't on welfare.ronw — "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night? That was no ladle… that was my knife." That joke was worth five bucks. My egg turner is priceless!!spanky — in related news, why can't I find 10" Fiskars shears anymore? WTF?mermaidonthemic — Perhaps you could load your other two favorite items into the dutch oven?kleopatra — That wouldn't be a Hasbro Easy Bake Oven, right?

  7. someone gave me one of those utensils many moons ago, and i've never known its purpose. thanks for clarifying–i'll have to test it out asap!

  8. Love you posts, good writing! I have just been reading down from your most recent post, while eating my breakfast.Well I have thought about it long and hard, and if I had to grab one thing out of my burning kitchen, it would have to be my garlic press! With one hand, I swear this thing could crush a rock into shears of deliciousness.I look forward to more of your posts!

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